Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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