He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
