What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
