when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
