there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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