I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize