Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
