i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
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The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
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Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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