I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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