Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
