my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
