Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Floor bacon is actually really good
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
