I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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