Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
