she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
