I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
