If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
