Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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