I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
