Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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