She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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