kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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