I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
