I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
