Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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