Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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