Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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