Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
