she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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