Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
