ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
