I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're making bets on your personal life
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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