You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
she pinky promised me she was 18
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
