i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I cut my penus on the lid.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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