Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
