Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
