dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
