You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
