Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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