The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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