He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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