I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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