She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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