just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She has the best kind of daddy issues
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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