i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
