Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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