I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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