Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
