i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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