I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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