Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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