why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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