i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Randomize
