i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
