Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
