Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
