my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
