where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
