well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
