is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
