update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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