Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
