Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
