I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
