I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
this beer tastes like vomit already
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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