Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
