look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
