my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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