last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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