You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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