yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
