she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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