I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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