i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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